04-28-2013, 07:51 AM
(04-26-2013, 11:29 PM)YaMarVa Wrote: LXIVI think you need to work on clarity. Your lines are very obscure at the moment, though you obviously have talent and have given us some neat poetic expressions. I look forward to reading more of your work
Sooth these halls of darkness morning This line is very confusing. How does one sooth a hall, and what does "darkness morning" mean; is it referring to dawn?
Before I make my day.
Tremble forward to the casket Good line.
Eternal to the grave. What's eternal? The trembling forward?
In sheep lead life I brim and tide I think "lead" should be "led", but otherwise this is a good line; subtle and meaningful. I like the use of "tide" as a verb.
Not sought for never hiding,
All is all as I dash to dust,
My soul is no more binding. These last two lines are very good.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe