untitled

[disintegrator]

A very emotional poem, with a really nice flow overall. The grammar is not so good, though. You've forgot to capitalize the I's. Capitalizing the first word in each stanza could also be an idea, just a suggestion. And though the flow was really good throughout, I think some of the rhymes were a bit forced. It could just be me, but I knew that 'here' would be followed by 'fear', for instance.

Thanks for the feedback

Regarding the grammar, I intentionally used lowercase for everything.

I also felt that some of the rhymes were a little forced. I had written this poem a while ago and was hoping that some time away from it might allow me to come up with some improvements however that wasn't the case. So I decided to post what I had.

Hopefully I can improve in this area on the next one.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!