04-24-2013, 04:24 PM
Hello,
I though your poem was overall good, but I do think you could make some minor tweets to make it great. The first paragraph is, in my opinion, the best... it flows with each stanza. As the poem goes on I think structure kind of falls apart for me anyways. This has to do with the amount of syllables the stanzas have, it makes it a bit difficult to comprehend the message you're trying to give. I really like the ryhme of it all though and the use of consonance and assonance when it comes to the 'o', 'a' and 's'. Good job, keep writing.
I though your poem was overall good, but I do think you could make some minor tweets to make it great. The first paragraph is, in my opinion, the best... it flows with each stanza. As the poem goes on I think structure kind of falls apart for me anyways. This has to do with the amount of syllables the stanzas have, it makes it a bit difficult to comprehend the message you're trying to give. I really like the ryhme of it all though and the use of consonance and assonance when it comes to the 'o', 'a' and 's'. Good job, keep writing.