The List

[allykat727]

Well, as list poetry goes, it is not bad. There is plenty of "awareness" of sonics and meter throughout but not quite enough "attention" to it. Kind of like "I could write this a lot better but I don't really care". It is mostly iambic tetrameter (except when it's not) and the meter is held in place by so many articles that just reading the word "the" gets a little tedious by the end. Also, maybe too much stream of consciousness.

The repetition - again, mostly good but once again, except when it's not. The first few times I loved it as so many writers of list poetry and novice writers are either too scared to use repetion or use it in all the wrong spots and the first few usages were spot on but a couple later were lazy and then you missed the repetition on "the hands" (which would have been better as "my hands anyway"). There are a couple spots where you technically break out of the list format imo (so fresh, so smile)

Overall, again, nice effort, much here that is good but I have a feeling you didn't go through the editing process very thoroughly and I will enjoy it much more after it is edited (I think)

milo

Hey milo, thanks a lot for the input. I have never written list poetry before so it was a fun change. You are right, it was very stream of consciousness and there wasn't much of an editing process. Also, I can see how the repetition of 'the' can get tedious. Initially, I really liked it, but if overused it can loose its knack. Looking forward to taking a deeper look and making some edits. Thanks again!