04-23-2013, 09:49 AM
I really enjoyed reading this piece. There are some very chilling turns of words that are innovative and creative. "Childhood teachings chilling my marrow" immediately roped me in. I also liked the alliteration in this line. I do agree with the two other critiques about trimming a bit and liked Milo's suggestions. Also, I think this piece could stand out more if the "I"s were removed, as shemthepenman said. Very good work!