04-20-2013, 07:14 AM
First, thank you for taking the time to critique this. Much appreciated. For clarification, not necessarily disagreement, she's sleeping dreaming so each dream is a ship of its own making. The confluence does require two things both being bodies of water but not necessarily two rivers... "... of remorse and the tributary of Tears". REM (rapid eye movement) in terms of brain wave configurations actually will rise and fall in the rhythms so I don't quite see it out of context but am willing to consider that. I do know what a vesicle is and I do understand that neurotransmission is necessary for sleep to occur. The vesicle would carry that neurotransmitter to the receptor site to cause sleep's occurrence. I did stretch using the term "swim" rather try to configure a different way of being carried forward. I didn't want to get to far into action potential in axons or changes in polarity that would result in shifts of ion channels causing the action potential in the first place ha ha. If you think I was verbose before lol. I do agree that the stanza is cuttable. I thought about doing just that and may before I'm finished. Thanks again for the critique, very much appreciated.