04-19-2013, 07:15 AM
I can sense a lot of emotion in this poem. I liked that 
But it's mostly just words/sentences (a lot of them cliches), and not a lot of images. You're mostly telling the story, instead of showing it.
I like where you're going with this though, and I think it could be worth an edit. For instance, you could pick out the strongest parts/statements, and build the rest of poem around them and just have fun and experiment. A lot of the stanzas didn't have much impact unfortunately. IMHO anyways
But it's mostly just words/sentences (a lot of them cliches), and not a lot of images. You're mostly telling the story, instead of showing it.
I like where you're going with this though, and I think it could be worth an edit. For instance, you could pick out the strongest parts/statements, and build the rest of poem around them and just have fun and experiment. A lot of the stanzas didn't have much impact unfortunately. IMHO anyways