Sadness Or Madness

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Not much going on here. Jumpy, freestyle rhyming.

Aha, thanks for the feedback though. I'm trying to work on my poetry before I have a big exam for school coming up, need to improve my grades a bit.

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There are some pretty cool moments in this piece. I like the 'happiness drought' line. But, some of it is pretty cliche. Like "eats you up and spits you out", "demons under the bed", "taunting" and "torturing" side by side, "lay in a heap", etc. Also, I would suggest that you delve a bit more into the feelings instead of the info. Talking about the vein that may have popped tells the reader about cutting, but it doesn't really convey the feelings the character is experiencing. Get creative, try using more imagery, paint a picture. Good work

Thanks, yeah I'm trying to expand on my vocabulary and how i express the imagery of what I'm trying to say. It's good that you enjoyed some of it though Thank you for the constructive critisism.