04-16-2013, 02:18 AM
hi Ganman
I've had the "abstraction-ism" discussion here before, on one of my own poems... I defended it too at that point, but here's what it boils down to: this poem isn't memorable. and even though there are some great lines in there (love this: "because I won’t be a cynic on my porch" and actually that whole stanza... I guess because they have images?) I don't come away with anything specific in my head. except for a satellite, a porch and green faced kids, which comprise an itty bitty part. so keep your ideas, but work in some pictures for me to draw in my head.
that said, I feel this could work well as spoken word, with minimal tweaking.
anyway good luck with the revision!
-cloudy
I've had the "abstraction-ism" discussion here before, on one of my own poems... I defended it too at that point, but here's what it boils down to: this poem isn't memorable. and even though there are some great lines in there (love this: "because I won’t be a cynic on my porch" and actually that whole stanza... I guess because they have images?) I don't come away with anything specific in my head. except for a satellite, a porch and green faced kids, which comprise an itty bitty part. so keep your ideas, but work in some pictures for me to draw in my head.
that said, I feel this could work well as spoken word, with minimal tweaking.
anyway good luck with the revision!
-cloudy
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.