04-15-2013, 11:40 PM
hey Ganman
first of all, loved this. it's funny and touching at once... I've been going over it a lot since yesterday. "letting technology cook their food" and "displaying their hindquarters" are both priceless. ;D
after much consideration, here are some small thoughts:
I agree with other commenters that the title and first stanza are redundant. maybe just "ageist" as a title? something that's less of a spoiler. ;p
in S6, would the character really refer to himself as elderly? somehow I think he'd be rather too stubborn to do that...
L1 and L2 of the last stanza are boring for me, unmemorable. do you really need them?
those are the only little things I found. thanks for sharing.
-cloudy
first of all, loved this. it's funny and touching at once... I've been going over it a lot since yesterday. "letting technology cook their food" and "displaying their hindquarters" are both priceless. ;D
after much consideration, here are some small thoughts:
I agree with other commenters that the title and first stanza are redundant. maybe just "ageist" as a title? something that's less of a spoiler. ;p
in S6, would the character really refer to himself as elderly? somehow I think he'd be rather too stubborn to do that...
L1 and L2 of the last stanza are boring for me, unmemorable. do you really need them?
those are the only little things I found. thanks for sharing.
-cloudy
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.

