Do you need S3? I know you need the last two lines transitionally, but does the line about the kids being written flat too show the self awareness without having to lay it out like that.
Just thoughts, you may need it. I'm just wondering if the poem can show me something else in place of those lines.
I do like the idea of incorporating this character in other poems. It would have a Tarantino sort of feel to it. Or you could do a Nick Flynn cartoon physics part I, part II thing. Give something funny and then shift to poignant after the author edits.
Oh and "one" makes fist work for me--not that it matters what works for me.
Just thoughts, you may need it. I'm just wondering if the poem can show me something else in place of those lines.
I do like the idea of incorporating this character in other poems. It would have a Tarantino sort of feel to it. Or you could do a Nick Flynn cartoon physics part I, part II thing. Give something funny and then shift to poignant after the author edits.
Oh and "one" makes fist work for me--not that it matters what works for me.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson