The Ageist Elderly Man with no Arms in the Parked Car

[Leanne]

Terrific concept The title alone definitely makes it worth reading.

I'm getting ready to submit some poems, and I'm on the fence about this one:

The Ageist Elderly Man with No Arms in the Parked Car

My author abandoned me,
an elderly man with no arms,
in a parked car. -- perhaps a little more description here -- trapped? Alone? Waiting? Wishing he could masturbate? Anything but just "in".

He forgot to give me personality. -- this line is the one I have the most trouble with. I appreciate what you're trying to do but I think this is too heavy-handed. Just "forgot" doesn't work. Was he distracted by hunger? In a rush to keep an assignation? Maybe his pencil broke. In fact, going straight to "I'm flat" for me as a reader is enough -- but it might not be enough for everyone.
I’m flat, and all I do to find help
is yell at passing children,

ignorant, with their Internet,
lazy, letting technology -- again, there could be something more here -- this is crying out for a bit more absurdism -- he's a grumpy, elderly man with no arms created by an author who is dying for meatballs, for heaven's sake!
cook their food.

They throw rocks at the window,
spit at me through the glass.
I think he wrote them flat too. -- this is brilliant -- straight out statement that puts everything in perspective

He’s in the store, buying meatballs.
I wonder when he’ll come back.
They can’t be that hard to find.

They’re right next to the rolls,
I told him – aisle 13, frozen foods.
I really hate children.