04-14-2013, 01:04 PM
Beautifully designed and a challenging trip, in an enjoyable way.
For me, the parenthetical sentence didn't carry the power that thrummed through the rest.
The vulgarity at the end is, for me personally, distracting. It pulls me out of the experience and puts me back in my chair reading a poem. I don't think the power sits in those words. Compared to the elegance of the remainder, that part seems--and this is not really the right word exactly--cheap, or too easy -- something like that. But perhaps that is just me.
I can't claim to grasp the big picture, whether she is a person or a metaphor for nature/Earth, or ....? But this may just be me, judging by other comments.
Overall, appreciate the journey, and admire the talent and delicacy in your phrasing and rhythm.
For me, the parenthetical sentence didn't carry the power that thrummed through the rest.
The vulgarity at the end is, for me personally, distracting. It pulls me out of the experience and puts me back in my chair reading a poem. I don't think the power sits in those words. Compared to the elegance of the remainder, that part seems--and this is not really the right word exactly--cheap, or too easy -- something like that. But perhaps that is just me.
I can't claim to grasp the big picture, whether she is a person or a metaphor for nature/Earth, or ....? But this may just be me, judging by other comments.
Overall, appreciate the journey, and admire the talent and delicacy in your phrasing and rhythm.