04-13-2013, 08:36 PM
hello,
there is no way i can go through this line by line (at least not now), but there are a few things that stuck out for me:
'nails where nipples should be' --- outside of the poem as a whole, this is just great, and again, as with so many things I read here, I wish i had written it, for my on ends and purposes (i.e. the shifting organs, "sexual organs sprout up everywhere, anuses open and close all over the body" [and Deleuze is clear that this is not a metaphore!] and one could add 'nails where nipples should be', damn that sounds so creamy
the next line is problematic for me though, the word 'tits' is such an awful word. Furthermore, if it were me I wouldn't shy away from the repetition of 'through', as in: poking through her tits, through halos of blood.
the last four lines are good, in fact possibly better than good, but I havent time to analyze them in depth. Although I would question the concept of 'the orgasms she's denied man' only because it seems one could play with the ambiguity a bit more here, but maybe not.
anyhow, very interesting read and enjoyable, if not disturbing... but what more could one ask from a poem.
there is no way i can go through this line by line (at least not now), but there are a few things that stuck out for me:
'nails where nipples should be' --- outside of the poem as a whole, this is just great, and again, as with so many things I read here, I wish i had written it, for my on ends and purposes (i.e. the shifting organs, "sexual organs sprout up everywhere, anuses open and close all over the body" [and Deleuze is clear that this is not a metaphore!] and one could add 'nails where nipples should be', damn that sounds so creamy
the next line is problematic for me though, the word 'tits' is such an awful word. Furthermore, if it were me I wouldn't shy away from the repetition of 'through', as in: poking through her tits, through halos of blood.
the last four lines are good, in fact possibly better than good, but I havent time to analyze them in depth. Although I would question the concept of 'the orgasms she's denied man' only because it seems one could play with the ambiguity a bit more here, but maybe not.
anyhow, very interesting read and enjoyable, if not disturbing... but what more could one ask from a poem.