[content warning] Performer

[UnicornRainbowCake]

You've got both knees on the floor
preparing to put up your walls,
the little beach
on the toilet seat
says 'hello fame.' I like it, I think you could extend this further. Was it a clean bathroom? A dirty one? Were you in a club or a train station or your grandmothers house? Even 'knees on the dirty floor' would add something to it. You've described nothing of the surroundings.

Only you would have a friend you cut Seems awkward
two lines in, then bottoms up
you always said you'd be a star
now it’s time to live your dreams
and show them that you are. Those three lines I'm sure are part of a Hannah Montana song somewhere. You can come up with something better, the whole poem is better.

And it’s true you shine the brightest here
but it isn't hard when you're hyper-real
neon colours in the grey
artificially,
lighting them astray. This stanza sounds good, I love the description, but because you haven't explained where you are, it doesn't have that impact you're looking for. Do you light up your grandmothers house artificially?

You always were a pretty thing
lacked nerve but loved to sing
and now you're cleaning up cards
just to find the strength to dance. The flow goes in this stanza, adjust it a little

Whispering little rhymes, If she's whispering little rhymes to herself, do it in her perspective. You've got a load of potential here and take it, if you're talking about drugs have some inside battle with herself. It'll work better than I make it sound. :-P
to yourself Needs punctuation at the end
yes, you're everything you are,
but you're someone else
and this is the only way,
if your sparkle’s gonna
Make you famous, some day. Why capital M?

I love it altogether, and I think it has huge potential to be brilliant. As for that last stanza, perhaps something like this?

Whispering little rhymes to yourself
yes, you're everything you are,
but you're someone else -
this is the only way,
Your sparkle will make you famous,
some day.

Play around with it more, see how it works, but it would add real depth if you could include her thoughts and such.