Just Another Day (first edit)

[Volaticus]

FIRST EDIT
Thanks for the comments to help me edit this I've edited the last stanza as it seemed to be the weakest part of the poem. I think it's improved, but I'd love to hear what you think

I saw the limping, old man;
His nose hairs longer than ever.
I saw the young girl with the green hair;
Retracted as always,
Under hood and headphones.
And I saw the impatient mother
With her crying baby in one arm,
And her restless Fluffy in the other.
Yes, everything was indeed as usual.

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This is a poem I first wrote in Danish, but I decided to translate it into English (not sure if it worked), as sort of an experiment. It's not quite finished, and I'm not sure if there's enough to build on, so I would love to hear what you guys think


I got on the bus today,
Found a vacant seat by the window
And sat myself down.

Everything was as usual.
The fog lay heavy,
And saturated the landscape with it’s gloom;
As in me.

The rain splashed down outside,
And people splashed around inside.
A flood of wind-blown and matted chaos;
As in me.

A stench filled the bus:
Wet dog fur and burnt coffee,
Old vomit and bad breath.
A stench of despair;
As in me.

I heard the noise from the traffic outside,
As it passed by with trailing lights
Of blurry whites and yellows.
I noticed the creaking of the bus inside,
And the loudly chatter
From old ladies’ gossiping,
In eager conversation about
Absolutely nothing.
Noise pollution;
As in me.

I saw the limping, old man,
I saw the young girl
With long, green hair,
I saw the impatient mother
With a crying baby in one arm,
And a restless dog in the other.
Yes, everything was indeed as usual.