04-13-2013, 12:44 AM
I have absolutely no idea what you're trying to convey, but I like the feel of it! Particularly the second and third stanzas (although the last line loses me a bit).
I really like the opening two lines, but L3 shatters the moment. It's a bit like a dog being pulled up short on a leash when it's expecting to be able to run on joyfully
I did wonder if the final stanza would end with an echo of the first line too, keeping you trapped in the puzzle, setting the whole thing up for a redo-from-start.
Whatever. I like it, it makes me smile; I have no idea why!
I really like the opening two lines, but L3 shatters the moment. It's a bit like a dog being pulled up short on a leash when it's expecting to be able to run on joyfully
I did wonder if the final stanza would end with an echo of the first line too, keeping you trapped in the puzzle, setting the whole thing up for a redo-from-start.
Whatever. I like it, it makes me smile; I have no idea why!