of side pony tails and doughnuts

[justcloudy]

ok, I've posted a revision with longer lines. not to antagonize you tectak, but I couldn't put in a set rhythm. it just didn't work for this poem, it warped my words and was more distracting than anything else. maybe that's because I'm less skilled than others, but anyway I like this one open. of course you're right though, it tends towards prose now, especially with the longer lines.

I'd love some thoughts, because I'm not sure myself if this is an improvement.

thanks all.
-cloudy