Where I must be. Final edit. milo, trueenigma, billy

[tectak]

Quote='milo' pid='122814' dateline='1365723608']

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
peaks cupped in white lace kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, ice glazed on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

tectak
2013
Shieldaig

---

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
peaks cupped in white lace kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, ice glazed on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

tectak
2013
Shieldaig

Thanks to all for suggestions.....and milo, please note, S1 line 2. Peaks...NOT Beaks

yes, you adeptly took the hats off the buzzards which is good. I like all of the changes except "flings". Cliche or not, the dancing was still better reading, so . . .

milo

I rather agree, Fling wouldn't be so bad if it Wasn't followed by 'in'---flingin highland haze. I keep thinking ' is fling from, or fling through better? But dance Isn't as bad. Whats wrong with:
I sip the land,
From raindrop springs in highland's haze
In raindrop sprinkled
In raindrop spattered
As raindrops fly through
In raindrop spraying
As raindrops spray from
In raindrop splashing
As raindrops splash in

I'm sorry.
[/quote]
Thanks both....but google Highland Fling. then still say dance is better!
I may be too peurile...dance may win.
Best,
tectak