04-12-2013, 03:48 PM
(04-12-2013, 03:16 PM)billy Wrote: done that way, the first two lines give or have no point of reference. as far as a connection to the but line goes. it's not tying in properly (i could be wrong of course but from my pov it's disjointed.Hm. I was hoping to get the subject-verb in with this cheat. And oddly, I feel aversion to just putting them there on the first line. Why? It feels like I'm getting too prosy as well as putting my thumb in the reader's eye.
Yet I don't want it to cause a problem for the reader.
I won’t look again to see
that man who bleared back at me from the Co-op’s shadow,
and shakes every night down this street.
Instead I’ll see my dash light, glowing green,
or the swaying red light in dusk,
while he shakes the exit door without a handle;
it’s not meant for those wanting in.
Does he seek the shelter one block over?
And where’s the fat one that he staggered with when last I saw him?
Will he live the night?
Oh well.
The light’s green, now.
I’ll go home,
but I won’t look.

