04-12-2013, 03:35 AM
Thankyou very much for the very detailed and constructive critique. I really appreciate the lack of sugar-coating - it's a breath of fresh air 
Reading it back over, in terms of line breaks the first three stanzas are under par. I can see some adjustments I can make already on the first half, but the last four stanzas I'm not sure where things could be changed. I think the line breaks there are more rational.
My punctation and capitalisation, I've got nothing to say on that. You're absolutely right. I've made the newbie error of not completely proof reading my work before I post it on the serious forum, thankyou for pointing it out - I sure won't do that again.
I'm going to edit it now, I'd be grateful if you could post on if my line breaks are less insane and irrational this time round
Thanks again for the helpful critique.
PS - I'm sure someone who's overly free spirited will write about the symbolism of milk with Maggie...not me.
Reading it back over, in terms of line breaks the first three stanzas are under par. I can see some adjustments I can make already on the first half, but the last four stanzas I'm not sure where things could be changed. I think the line breaks there are more rational.
My punctation and capitalisation, I've got nothing to say on that. You're absolutely right. I've made the newbie error of not completely proof reading my work before I post it on the serious forum, thankyou for pointing it out - I sure won't do that again.
I'm going to edit it now, I'd be grateful if you could post on if my line breaks are less insane and irrational this time round
Thanks again for the helpful critique.
PS - I'm sure someone who's overly free spirited will write about the symbolism of milk with Maggie...not me.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)