The Waiting Game (second edit)

[UnicornRainbowCake]

A definite improvement, I think. I haven't looked at this thread in a while and so read the edit with fresh eyes - it is so much clearer now what you mean and are trying to convey.

I think the problem is with it not feeling like it's fitting in is each stanza has a different rhyming scheme. This might be deliberate, but I'm not sure that it works. Think about a uniform scheme or even free verse.

Very much improved however

Hi Amy,
Thanks so much for your feedback
I'm so happy to hear that it's much clearer now. I focused a lot on that. Maybe a bit too much
About the different rhyming schemes. (Just to be sure, and at the risk of sounding a bit stupid, but rhyming schemes are like aaba, abcb etc?).
But it was intentional. Maybe that was a mistake. I thought it worked okay, but now that you mention it, it seems a bit.. messy.

Yep, you're right, abcdefg

I can see why you'd use it. It is a structuary (is that a word?) representation of the unpredictable emotions of a break up. (I think I possibly have spent too long analysing poetry for my course now...)

For some people it might work. Somebody will probably comment and say they like it, it's personal perspective. For me, I'm all-or-nothing - strict rhyme or free verse. It all depends on who is looking at it.

You've done really well with a poem I didn't necessarily like to begin with, well done on that