I first saw him eight years ago

[billy]

i understood the intent it was just the phrasing of the 1st couplet. a suggestion would be to keep it simple

The dashboards green glowing clock,
a swinging red light in the dusk.

or something like.

hi mikey.
i think i got most of it except the 1st couplet.for some reason i'm struggling with making it work. i think it's the 'then' word that's screwing with me.

Thanks for the comment, billy.

How about:

Away from the dashboard's green glowing clock,
I secured my sight to that dangling red light in dusk.

Or something.

Point is, I saw him and really wanted to look at something other than him. He's a old poor wretch, and I feel a desire to help him, and a desire not to help, every time I pass him (and how /could/ I help him, anyway?). He's on foot, and I'm driving. I doubt he own more than the clothes he's wearing (his only set, by the looks of it).

Regardless of what I want, I can't, cause I've got young kids with me. Or so I tell myself.

Thanks again.