04-11-2013, 07:40 AM
A definite improvement, I think. I haven't looked at this thread in a while and so read the edit with fresh eyes - it is so much clearer now what you mean and are trying to convey.
I think the problem is with it not feeling like it's fitting in is each stanza has a different rhyming scheme. This might be deliberate, but I'm not sure that it works. Think about a uniform scheme or even free verse.
Very much improved however
I think the problem is with it not feeling like it's fitting in is each stanza has a different rhyming scheme. This might be deliberate, but I'm not sure that it works. Think about a uniform scheme or even free verse.
Very much improved however
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)