04-11-2013, 06:39 AM
By germane, i also mean mundane. Having to look up bosom bens is worth it because it's a fun image, like the rest of the poem. To make it interesting you could use a female metaphor for the highlands throughout, because hey, let's face it, sex sells. Then juxtapose the scientific, but then you run the risk of it sounding like 'i need to be , but really just to collect fungi samples. There is also a hint of a riddle here, or inside joke, like your laughing at the pink lemonade drinkers(see that? Inside joke 
)as they struggle to figure out what the hell you're talking about. Perhaps i should put 'giant fluffy cumulonimbus puffs' in my revision of snowbirds, instead of dark grey clouds. 
. On the other hand, this poem does need less work than mine. Just a fine tuning, I'd say. It's bordering on brilliance, but close enough for me to demand that brilliance. Some of the images like 'pine scent in the gloaming air (this includes a well know scent. A perfumed imaged!. put me right there) jump out and hit me right in the face.when i lost that feeling it saddened me deeply. I'd say 5 stars if it were for a highland brochure, or an intro to a biography of your mycology excursions, anything more, well..we'll need more.
Thanks for the read (and for bearing with me through my original critique, and confounding typos.
To quote in my Southern American drawl:
"britt-al brayeezaz n buyrofalactac brazeaz?! What 'n 'tarnashun is all thees jeeber jabber?
Looking forward to the rendition,
True
)as they struggle to figure out what the hell you're talking about. Perhaps i should put 'giant fluffy cumulonimbus puffs' in my revision of snowbirds, instead of dark grey clouds. . On the other hand, this poem does need less work than mine. Just a fine tuning, I'd say. It's bordering on brilliance, but close enough for me to demand that brilliance. Some of the images like 'pine scent in the gloaming air (this includes a well know scent. A perfumed imaged!. put me right there) jump out and hit me right in the face.when i lost that feeling it saddened me deeply. I'd say 5 stars if it were for a highland brochure, or an intro to a biography of your mycology excursions, anything more, well..we'll need more.Thanks for the read (and for bearing with me through my original critique, and confounding typos.
To quote in my Southern American drawl:
"britt-al brayeezaz n buyrofalactac brazeaz?! What 'n 'tarnashun is all thees jeeber jabber?
Looking forward to the rendition,
True