pass not over

[tectak]

Humming soothings to my heart
like a tomcat close to death,

On Good Friday I am bleeding
for a liar crucified:

No more blood of lambs on doorposts.
First of Passovers has passed!

---
with Hebrew at ablemuse: http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread...post281997
with music at my blog:
http://gurkski.wordpress.com/2013/04/10/pass-not-over/

Hi Serge,
brevity is not your style but I risk lighting your fuse with that comment. This is terse-verse. You make your point but one must question your motive. So, you post a link. I will not follow it. I know that this is a foible of mine, but I like poems posted here to be self-sufficient. So...to the crit. Why humming? It has already been asked. Let's get the grammar out of the way. Humming is soothing to my heart. Why humming? Is there a catchy tune to Eloi,Eloi, Lama Sabachthani? Hmm. Now in a different crucifixion I could like the tomcat howl but it loses me here...but worse! You make a displaced metaphor.What is the tomcat close to death like? Humming? Your heart? Soothings? You do not say.
Stanza 2 is hilarious. It must be deliberate. Wasn't it a coincidence that Christ was born on Christmas day etc etc.
Stanza 3. Excellent.
See, I only ever tell tge truth ( as I see it)
Best,
tectak
PS brevity in all things....except long things.