Did It Hurt You? (revised)

[billy]

i think the 3rd stanza would have been a good place to start, followed by the 1st and the rest of the poem. the narrative isn't bad though it does feel a little wordy in places. while it's an I poem, you could cut back on them. example

Who would be to blame for my failures, (allowing it to hang a bit more and make the reader ask (what does she mean?))

thanks for the read.

any comments and suggestions more than welcome.

I was just a child, is just a child, different from 'a child" would i was a a child say the same thing.
what were you thinking,
dying , just like that? again, i'm not sure 'just' does anything for the poem
Who would I have to blame for my failures,
my bad decisions?

I’m grown up now, may I still use you to
ease the guilt of my misguided behavior.
I have a kid of my own, can I still blame you for
the unhappiness in my life? i'd like to see why you would want to, though i like the idea that mothers can have mothers.

---

You were not the perfect Mom.
Did you give much thought to me when you were sick?
You did not have the courtesy to get well.
You left me in the care of that man who did his best, that man, feels like someone you hated. or blamed
sadly lacking the skills to teach life to a young girl., i think some of the non essential words could be cut in order to give it a better bone structure.

There was Grandmamma, who taught me well that
the touch of a boy would bring haji.
Shame, on the family, and she would have to care for it.

Though I fought mightily,
I bled when he ran his hand up my dress. i think this is a strong line and a string stanza, it feels like there are a lot of I's the 2nd I could be an 'and'
I feared I would need to kill myself.
Finally, I found no shame would be
delivered to us this time.

He took you to your homeland in an urn.
I have no place to mourn.
That is your fault too.
Could you not leave me your remains?

Surely you are to blame for any pain
that I may suffer.
Here is your elegy.
I need someone to blame. not sure this last line adds anything possibly start the stanza with it and remove blame/pain line.

have to go out, will get back to it sorry