04-10-2013, 07:57 AM
This is one of those poems that you get to the end and think, 'wow, that has really made me think differently' - (Or is that just me?)
I'd make a few minor changes - I don't think that 'oft' and 'posit' fit in very well. Your poem works in the simplicity of explaining a deep idea with simple wording - I don't feel you need such words to keep the impact.
The title is great btw
My other criticism is perhaps adding full stops at the end of your stanzas, but that's just my viewpoint.
I'd make a few minor changes - I don't think that 'oft' and 'posit' fit in very well. Your poem works in the simplicity of explaining a deep idea with simple wording - I don't feel you need such words to keep the impact.
The title is great btw
My other criticism is perhaps adding full stops at the end of your stanzas, but that's just my viewpoint.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)