04-10-2013, 06:53 AM
Hi, I really like that you are experimenting and playing with ideas like this and also actually quite like what you have tried to do here.
I think it is working, certainly at the concept level.
In terms of crit I would say that for me I Think the first stanza is the weakest in that it is perhaps trying too hard and that I felt you got into your stride and relaxed in the next two stanzas .
I liked the subtler shifts rather than the tight repetitions.
I enjoyed the read. AJ
I think it is working, certainly at the concept level.
In terms of crit I would say that for me I Think the first stanza is the weakest in that it is perhaps trying too hard and that I felt you got into your stride and relaxed in the next two stanzas .
I liked the subtler shifts rather than the tight repetitions.
I enjoyed the read. AJ