Red Spider

[Heartafire]

Any and all suggestions welcome!Punctuate

spinning in my periphery
mirrors shine their light
on disorderly dendrites. You know, I don't really give a toss about whether we use capitals to start sentences, or sheepishly capitalise each new line...but I cannot understand how random "sometimes yes/sometimes no" can add ANYTHING to an otherwise well-written piece. So please stop it
Hiding in my hemisphere
behind my memories,
a shy creature. Not a sentence. Deliberate.....yeh,yeh.

Though you repel me
I can not resist your call.
Gifting me with sadness and gardenias Nice. Almost makes up for the lack of sensitive rhythm which would be more manifest with longer lines. Too choppy. No need for it. Deliberate....yeh,yeh
you steal my light.

Moving in obscurity,
taking shape, stretching neurons.
I hear you in the night. Something inconsistent here. Sight to sound too soon


Do not join me in my mania, Drop the "my". See end
I will need you when the darkness falls.
Weave your web gently,
tread lightly on my matter.Struggling (you and I, methinks) with "matter". "Tread lightly on me?"

Dear Tek, thank you for having a go at this. I was very sloppy with my first stanza. I don't know how that got away from me, I am very random in my use of proper punctuation and have made a mental note to be more observant. As I mentioned previously I am working on my choppy style and will someday write a glorious "fattie" that would make Serge proud.
I want that so much! I say tread lightly on my "matter" because I am referring to my brain matter. I totally agree with you here:
Moving in obscurity,
taking shape, stretching neurons.
I hear you in the night.[b] Something inconsistent here. Sight to sound too soon[/b]and will work to set this straight, it is unacceptable as is.
Thank you my friend, you help me more than you know and I appreciate your time and thoughts.
My best
Heart