04-09-2013, 10:56 PM
Hi, Saeity thanks for the feed back and..
I've made the changes,
but the poem came about by thinking of cutting out the time and waste of drinking alcohol
and the beer belly one gets from all that sugar in the drink.
I was never an alcoholic that enjoyed drinking
I just wanted to be drunk by the quickest way possible.
By editing that fact out no one would guess that is what I had been trying to convey, in the first place.
As for crocodile it's the size of it's mouth with all them razor shape teeth,
the teeth been the feat of the disease that is alcoholism will suck you in, if you are are a person that becomes an addict.
As for looking for other words instead of alcoholic I'll get back to that.
I don't want to hide what it is I've said any more than I've done.
The word stream editted out rhymes with the word left in dream.
Thanks again.
I've made the changes,
but the poem came about by thinking of cutting out the time and waste of drinking alcohol
and the beer belly one gets from all that sugar in the drink.
I was never an alcoholic that enjoyed drinking
I just wanted to be drunk by the quickest way possible.
By editing that fact out no one would guess that is what I had been trying to convey, in the first place.
As for crocodile it's the size of it's mouth with all them razor shape teeth,
the teeth been the feat of the disease that is alcoholism will suck you in, if you are are a person that becomes an addict.
As for looking for other words instead of alcoholic I'll get back to that.
I don't want to hide what it is I've said any more than I've done.
The word stream editted out rhymes with the word left in dream.
Thanks again.