Aubade

[serge gurkski]

Alba Aubade

Dawn breeze stirs
Hasty murmured departure
Brushing burrs
Hurrying through damp pasture

Cuckoo sings
And heralds adultery

Hi Popeye,
very fine stuff. First off, not to angrify the ladies but, I would not change the last line. It sings nicely.
You do nice things with sounds ( I'll call it just so, for lack of a better word to describe what I mean) e.g.:

"Dawn breeze stirs
Hasty murmured departure
Brushing burrs
Hurrying through damp pasture"

Ok, 3 more examples I enjoyed:
dawn -- departure -- damp pasture
and
breeze -- brushing burrs
and
hasty -- hurrying


Enjoyed it very much.

cheers

serge


( I will not get into these things here:
Alba is the same as Aubade in Occitan poetry. But - I just can't seem to not messing it up: of course Alba is a name of country, damn close to England, and if you pronounce Aubade in a certain way, let us say, as in " obeyed" and think in the wrong direction..? ,-).. But no no no.
I won't go there. );-)