04-07-2013, 07:17 AM
Hello Heartafire. I liked this poem quite a lot. Some minor thoughts/nits…
S1- I like reading “light” to end the line before, maybe just me. Are dendrites tangled? I suppose they interweave a lot, but tangled sounds disorderly, which they presumably aren’t. Maybe hemisphere singular, to narrow it down to one of them where this creature/tumor/id lives?
Can’t really see anything else otherwise! Really good, I like the sonics in the last stanza
Gary
S1- I like reading “light” to end the line before, maybe just me. Are dendrites tangled? I suppose they interweave a lot, but tangled sounds disorderly, which they presumably aren’t. Maybe hemisphere singular, to narrow it down to one of them where this creature/tumor/id lives?
Can’t really see anything else otherwise! Really good, I like the sonics in the last stanza
Gary