04-03-2013, 02:45 AM
Thankyou both for your detailed feedback, really appreciate it 
AisforApple - I agree with you on the 'my older brothers' line. I tried it out in a few different ways and it still seemed quite awkward to me, I'll definitely do a few adjustments on that.
justcloudy - Same as the other line I couldn't pinpoint a way to make this not so awkward. I'll have to have a good think again. In regards to the explanation, I had originally written a stanza of its own for her reasoning but cut it out (I thought it dragged on too much).
Thanks again for your critique and I hope you enjoy my first edit
AisforApple - I agree with you on the 'my older brothers' line. I tried it out in a few different ways and it still seemed quite awkward to me, I'll definitely do a few adjustments on that.
justcloudy - Same as the other line I couldn't pinpoint a way to make this not so awkward. I'll have to have a good think again. In regards to the explanation, I had originally written a stanza of its own for her reasoning but cut it out (I thought it dragged on too much).
Thanks again for your critique and I hope you enjoy my first edit
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)