Three Hours In Heaven

[Smiffy]

Cheers for reading and taking the time to offer critique Amy, first off I should explain that the poem is very personal to me and reflects much of what has happened to me in the last ten years. The poem was written after the night in question last Sunday and whilst I was out walking the hills.I purposely posted it with very little editing to see the reaction plus I for whatever reason wanted it out there as near to the event as possible, no idea why just a whim maybe.
I have taken up your suggestions even though I did like the third stanza you are right it did not add much for anyone other than me.
Little confession on the lines you really liked, the poem was written after a Northern Soul all nighter in Manchester where I met the lady in the poem, the lines are a variation on two lines from a Northern song Don't Be Sore At Me by the Parliaments so although the words are different the basic idea was not unfortunately mine.

I love this though:
My heart wrote the cheque
My life could not cash

Many thanks for your input
Bill

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this is sweet mostly and- if I am not wrong- I sometimes hear Boz Scaggs here.

cheers

sg

uuuummmm sweet, I may have missed the mark somewhere Serge it was meant to be anything but that, but if that is the way it came across to you then maybe I wasn't as pissed off by love slipping through my fingers one more time as I thought I was,
cheers for taking the time to read and reply
Smif

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your language is all very endearing and there are times when lines are pleasantly tangible. I would, however, hesitate to imply anyone is 'perfect' or compare them to weapons or drugs. It comes off a little cheesy and it's a bit of a contradiction when you think about it.

Thanks for the read,
Lew

Hi Lewis and welcome to the forum, whilst appreciating you reading and commenting I have to say I disagree with you, I think I know who is perfect for me and as the poem was a gut reaction to events (explained in my reply to Amy) the previous night the lady in question was perfection, knowing her longer might have changed that but as the title says, "three hours in heaven".
As a connection to addiction I think drugs is perfectly suitable and deadly weapons was a reference to her eyes. I have given it some thought and I find no contradiction but then I wouldn't otherwise I would have seen it when writing and not wrote it.
thank you for your thoughts, much appreciated and thought about
Smiffy