04-02-2013, 09:04 PM
milo and catdog, thanks a lot for the thoughts. Loved the triolet milo ;D
here's a revision adding more images, hopefully both of you will like it. (but now S5 doesn't seem to flow very well and I'm not sure how to fix it...)
revision 2
Blank scrubbed walls in room 410
give credence to his thoughts
of death by lemon odor; clean.
Stuck by giant, clamping hands
in a clouded pillow prison
of white—rough, tough and mean.
Panic belly button pressed,
tiny sticking tears reflect
muted cartoon bustle.
Sharp astringent pinches nose
as jellied food turns stomach
into rolls of unused muscle.
Repeating beeps and swishing scrubs
swap with baby brother’s whines;
he shoves white cotton in his ears.
Drip-induced unconsciousness
slows and slurs, shuts down
sideways looks of fear.
A pair of well-known mommy hands
caress a crown of stretched-out skin,
touch opens glassy eyes.
A hastened kiss for her young boy
before the hectic workday calls;
a life of smiles and lies.
here's a revision adding more images, hopefully both of you will like it. (but now S5 doesn't seem to flow very well and I'm not sure how to fix it...)
revision 2
Blank scrubbed walls in room 410
give credence to his thoughts
of death by lemon odor; clean.
Stuck by giant, clamping hands
in a clouded pillow prison
of white—rough, tough and mean.
Panic belly button pressed,
tiny sticking tears reflect
muted cartoon bustle.
Sharp astringent pinches nose
as jellied food turns stomach
into rolls of unused muscle.
Repeating beeps and swishing scrubs
swap with baby brother’s whines;
he shoves white cotton in his ears.
Drip-induced unconsciousness
slows and slurs, shuts down
sideways looks of fear.
A pair of well-known mommy hands
caress a crown of stretched-out skin,
touch opens glassy eyes.
A hastened kiss for her young boy
before the hectic workday calls;
a life of smiles and lies.