04-01-2013, 04:49 PM
would
a season of autumn
work better?
i agree line 4 doesn't work well. i'm not sure the poem is coherent enough in the line above either.
are the comma's really needed in the 1st line?
a season of autumn
work better?
i agree line 4 doesn't work well. i'm not sure the poem is coherent enough in the line above either.
are the comma's really needed in the 1st line?
(04-01-2013, 08:46 AM)Volaticus Wrote: Cocoon
Together in loneliness, we shall pass the time.
An autumn of season, and state of mind.
Transfigure and tell me: How does it feel?
Is it all full of stitches, or blistering heal?
(I'm aware that L4 doesn't really work.)