First Poem

[lewis taylor]

Hey, I'm new to this forum and this is the first poem I've read on it. For what it's worth, I like what you were shooting for with the first drought and I'm pretty partial to short sharp poems when written well, but as the other users said, it doesn't quite flow. As for your edit, the grammar is there but you've sacrificed form, and the rhythm doesn't quite match the rhyme. But maybe I'm getting too meticulous. Good first job!