04-01-2013, 07:16 AM
Hi ZangetsyJSU,
I like how you kept it so short
It can pack a punch keeping it short, but then it'll also have to be spot on. I think there's something a bit off with the grammar. It seems too fragmented. "For losing you, I won't do" especially. In my opinion, I think it would work better if you put in a few more words. "For losing you, is what I won't do" or whatever you find fitting Just a suggestion
I like how you kept it so short
It can pack a punch keeping it short, but then it'll also have to be spot on. I think there's something a bit off with the grammar. It seems too fragmented. "For losing you, I won't do" especially. In my opinion, I think it would work better if you put in a few more words. "For losing you, is what I won't do" or whatever you find fitting Just a suggestion