Chrysanthemums (Moved)

[milo]

After some great advice in the novice forum I've moved it to here. I've changed it from the original quite a bit, but I think this could still do with some changes. I'm not quite sure what more to do though.

Chrysanthemums
You once presented me
with a bouquet of chrysanthemums.

I had been angered by your decision switch "had been" to was
to pick such a cheap and common flower -
though pleasant at first,
they lost their petals quickly,
the young buds surrounded
by a tight net of waxy leaves -
like a shield
from the rich and honest soil
that had once settled underneath. and trim "had" here

I had decided, that evening, to leave you. and trim "had" here

Little had I known that her thorns rewrite without "had"
tangled and twisted amongst our shared vines,
snagged and snarled into our bonds.

Now I wonder:
will you present her with roses?

You are instinctively leaning to passive voice (the "had's). Current best practice is to favor active voice.

milo