Chrysanthemums (Moved)

[UnicornRainbowCake]

After some great advice in the novice forum I've moved it to here. I've changed it from the original quite a bit, but I think this could still do with some changes. I'm not quite sure what more to do though.

Chrysanthemums
You once presented me
with a bouquet of chrysanthemums.

I was angered by your decision
to pick such a cheap and common flower -
though pleasant at first,
they lost their petals quickly,
the young buds surrounded
by a tight net of waxy leaves -
like a shield
from the rich and honest soil
that once settled underneath.

I decided, that evening, to leave you.

I know that her thorns
tangled and twisted amongst our shared vines,
snagged and snarled into our bonds.

Now I wonder:
will you present her with roses?

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Original:

You once presented me
with a bouquet of chrysanthemums.

I had been angered by your decision
to pick such a cheap and common flower -
though pleasant at first,
they lost their petals quickly,
the young buds surrounded
by a tight net of waxy leaves -
like a shield
from the rich and honest soil
that had once settled underneath.

I had decided, that evening, to leave you.

Our soil, our foundation, was dry with bitterness
and issues held on to for far too long.
Waxy leaves wound around our minds
shading it from the effervescent love
that came from the young buds of our hearts.
But I was the chrysanthemum -
swayed in the winds of passion,
the petals of my thoughts blew away
leaving an ever-growing weed
in the place of my once vividly coloured love.

Little had I known that she
was lingering amongst our shared vines.
Her petals would not fade.
She is the symbol of eternal love,
not young lust.

You'll soon present her
with a bouquet of roses.