03-30-2013, 04:38 AM
Hi Mikey,
I quite enjoyed this but a couple of small nits might need sorting out.
Firstly the title and the first four lines of the first stanza seem to relate to a horse ride but then I am pulled up (excuse the pun) because you have a hound / hunting dog referance. I'm not sure if hounds / dog are said to gallop or not but certainly I don't think that most people will make an instant connection. (I think they are said to run or give chase).
The rest of the poem then has some lovely lines about a hunt on foot with a dog. (Get the bay ref and this is spot on for the sound but you could also use give tounge or sing). There is a nicely done undercurrent of suggestion that this is also about a relationship.
I agree about either keeping the rhyme / rythem that you start off with of change to remove this at the start.
Perhaps if you decide to change the first stanza to adjust the dog / horse thing that is going on the rest of the poem might find a natural flow. (But I did like the pace and suggestion of fast paced movment that you had going on in the first stanza).
Hope this is of some help.
AJ.
I quite enjoyed this but a couple of small nits might need sorting out.
Firstly the title and the first four lines of the first stanza seem to relate to a horse ride but then I am pulled up (excuse the pun) because you have a hound / hunting dog referance. I'm not sure if hounds / dog are said to gallop or not but certainly I don't think that most people will make an instant connection. (I think they are said to run or give chase).
The rest of the poem then has some lovely lines about a hunt on foot with a dog. (Get the bay ref and this is spot on for the sound but you could also use give tounge or sing). There is a nicely done undercurrent of suggestion that this is also about a relationship.
I agree about either keeping the rhyme / rythem that you start off with of change to remove this at the start.
Perhaps if you decide to change the first stanza to adjust the dog / horse thing that is going on the rest of the poem might find a natural flow. (But I did like the pace and suggestion of fast paced movment that you had going on in the first stanza).
Hope this is of some help.
AJ.