03-30-2013, 02:25 AM
Hi checo456,
I think it's a good poem, but it might need s bit of work around the edges.
In L7: I think it would help the flow of your poem, if you put the word "will" in the beginning of L8 instead.
L1-L6: I thought was beautifully written, and I think it really works, starting the poem off with the question.
L9: I feel the sentence is a bit clumsy. I don't know.. Maybe it could be rewritten or shortened a bit.
Thanks for the read
I enjoyed it
I think it's a good poem, but it might need s bit of work around the edges.
In L7: I think it would help the flow of your poem, if you put the word "will" in the beginning of L8 instead.
L1-L6: I thought was beautifully written, and I think it really works, starting the poem off with the question.
L9: I feel the sentence is a bit clumsy. I don't know.. Maybe it could be rewritten or shortened a bit.
Thanks for the read
I enjoyed it