03-29-2013, 08:45 AM
as usual ignoring what has been brought forward above I offer suggestions:
First: rev is fine. stop changing it.
second: title: either: hands have no eyes. or: the sun has no voice.
The latter being maybe a bit too much Mccarthyish for pink ladies. I dunno.
see: the problem is you are with these lines nowhere as apocalyptic as Cormack. So maybe go better for the first title quoted from your lines.
in this poem i like the narrative bc it forces me to keep attention.
Happens rarely. ,-)
so: thank you
(Nice enough?)
(and Hi to Lucretia ;-) )
First: rev is fine. stop changing it.
second: title: either: hands have no eyes. or: the sun has no voice.
The latter being maybe a bit too much Mccarthyish for pink ladies. I dunno.
see: the problem is you are with these lines nowhere as apocalyptic as Cormack. So maybe go better for the first title quoted from your lines.
in this poem i like the narrative bc it forces me to keep attention.
Happens rarely. ,-)
so: thank you
(Nice enough?)
(and Hi to Lucretia ;-) )