Lustful Life

[Tommy]

((((My First Poem On Here Guys, Tell Me Wht You Think. I'd Really Appreciate The HONEST Feedback))))

Lustful Life

As she twist her fingers playing in her hair
She indicates for him to come closer, giving him a stare break the line here Forewarned by a touch to the heart
She wants him no closer but doesn't want to part

The lust of two souls soon to be joined
Mind over matter is what he''ll plead
So she'll look to her side, thinking of pride And what she'll need too wordy
To stop herself from her sin that is soon to begin

As the actions have acted and the time has departed
They wallow in their filth, knowing not what they have started
He and she become we, laying in clouds clouds or filth?
She looks for her pride knowing not to be proud

A feeling of emotion can be a dangerous thing
Not thought thoroughly through say that ten times fast!
Love was declined, turned Into a fling now her heart is blue
Read between the Lines, It's happened before, it can happen to you

I too did not react well to the last stanza. Even though the whole piece is narrated in 3rd person it seems that the narration changes in the last stanza. Maybe it's that it just becomes preachy. Maybe it's not descriptive. I' not finding the same imagery in that last stanza. It's a good editable poem. I look forward to seeing what you will do with it.