Split me open

[Tommy]

i was looking forward to the end but wanted more

Yeah me too. I was kind of surprised by the direction this poem headed and I've tried to add to it but nothing seems to take. I agree that it leaves you hanging. I hope my muse has a plan because I'm a bit stumped.

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OK now I think we're getting somewhere! Thanks to you all.

EDIT 3;
Split me open, look inside
Secret thoughts I try to hide
Cut me wide, expose the core
Deep inside where there is more

Dark crevasses filled with hate
Putrid urges lie in wait.
Evil growing here inside
Inspiration long denied.

Split me open, if you dare
Smell the stench of my despair.
I’ve grown accustomed to the rot
It invades my every thought.

Take it from me, tear it out
Free me of the fear and doubt.
A terminal malignancy
Has stolen happiness from me.

Not bad! I agree with newsclippings' opinion on forced rhymes. I think you have accomplished to make them not look forced anymore. There is another possible danger with rhymed (new) poetry, namely that it might take away from the seriousness and/or sadness of a poem. I would not edit the rhymes out of this poem here. Just a general remark.
I am really impressed by your edits. :-)

cheers
serge

Yes, absolutely on your and newsclippings opinions re: forced rhymes, although I enjoy twisting words for my enjoyment (if not the readers I'm afraid). I was thinking about a popular song that had very dark lyrics accompanied by a very upbeat happy tune. I guess the idea doesn't translate well to poetry. Thank you for the comments.