Bottled Up

[saeity]

Cosseted
from the cold,
wrapt,
her movable
blanket
added warmth,
lying-
still, kicking
up a stink;
such a good friend?
I guess,
a million flies can’t be wrong.

ORIGINAL:

Cosseted
from the cold
and wrapt,
her movable
blanket
added warmth,
lying-
Still, kicking
up a stink;
such a good friend?
I guess,
a million flies can’t be wrong.

Hi saeity,
First off, I like it so read on. This is what you wrote:

Cosseted from the cold, wrapt, her movable blanket added warmth, lying-Still (?. I get it. Is it worth it?), kicking up a stink; such a good friend? I guess, a million flies can’t be wrong.

Now, that is ALL you wrote. Once you take out the expanding line breaks you can see that this is terse. You can also "see" the punctuation problems. There are few because you have written very little...but surely, that means that correction is simplified. OK. Here goes.

Cosseted from the cold, wrapt; her movable blanket added warmth. Lying, still kicking up a stink; such a good friend? I guess a million flies can’t be wrong.

I may have punctuated in a way not intended by you. That's a risk you take when you leave things open to someone else's interpretation.

I would rather see:

Cosseted from the cold she is wrapt in her movable blanket; added warmth. Lying still and even now kicking up a stink; was she such a good friend? I guess. A million flies can’t be wrong.

...or as you would prefer:

Cosseted
from the cold
she is wrapt
in her movable blanket;
added warmth.
Lying still and
even now kicking up a stink;
was she such a good friend?
I guess.
A million flies can’t be wrong

Wrapt
is fine.

Best,
tectak

Hi tectak, writing out a piece like that sure adds clarity to the mistakes thankyou I have decided to keep it rather stark as i feel it adds to the atmosphere of the piece thankyou for your advice.
saeity.