Lustful Life

[Keith]

((((My First Poem On Here Guys, Tell Me Wht You Think. I'd Really Appreciate The HONEST Feedback))))

Lustful Life

As she twist her fingers playing in her hair
She indicates for him to come closer, giving him a stare Forewarned by a touch to the heart
She wants him no closer but doesn't want to part

The lust of two souls soon to be joined
Mind over matter is what he''ll plead
So she'll look to her side, thinking of pride And what she'll need
To stop herself from her sin that is soon to begin

As the actions have acted and the time has departed
They wallow in their filth, knowing not what they have started
He and she become we, laying in clouds
She looks for her pride knowing not to be proud

A feeling of emotion can be a dangerous thing
Not thought thoroughly through
Love was declined, turned Into a fling now her heart is blue
Read between the Lines, It's happened before, it can happen to you

I enjoyed the idea of this and the way you built up from the come and get me to the option chosen as a fling, I did however feel that the last stanza is a little cheesy and rushed also the rhymes feel forced by comparison to the other stanza's it just seemed to fizzle out without any bang. You have some tight rhymes and you are telling a good story would just want something more by way of a finish, maybe a baby ? Hope this helps. TOMH