03-25-2013, 09:26 PM
Hi, welcome to the site. Considering your poem:
I think you need to go a few layers deeper. Right now, I'm sure there's some emotional power beneath the surface, but it isn't coming through. I think if you started with After our first date and alluded to puzzle elements without calling it out directly you'd be more on the right track. Mostly though as readers, we need to connect with this poem with more than our head.
Best,
Todd
I think you need to go a few layers deeper. Right now, I'm sure there's some emotional power beneath the surface, but it isn't coming through. I think if you started with After our first date and alluded to puzzle elements without calling it out directly you'd be more on the right track. Mostly though as readers, we need to connect with this poem with more than our head.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson