‘Eternal’, ‘love’, sneer!

[tectak]

Revisions are haaaarrrd.

I've tried to remove the archaic language, although I don't think I've quite gotten it all. Weird syntax should be less frequent, and the drama should be a bit reduced. I've left the very last line as it was, although it was seen as a bit forced. Oh, and I've changed the title a bit.

Revision:

Love, eternal, sneer!

You should not talk of love to me, my dear.
A word that mutes a thousand more is not
to be condoned for use. At love I sneer.
This lust of ours won’t last that long, but rot
like fruit, consumed and then expelled below.
What of our ‘love’? Is love for all of time?
No. Death or time will knock all lovers low. Not happy here.Low and low is a tad forced. "Death or time will steal all love, so no." This avoids the poor rhyme, whilst emphasising the point with reason before result. Cause then effect. Your poem.
My love will not forever make you mine.
So shun the word; to poets, let it lie, Full stop, surely?
to humor those simpletons while we see
the truth between us now: these pleasures die. Meter.
to humour those of simpler minds we see"
But so it goes, honey. Stop blaming me. Emphasis. "But so it goes, sweet babe; stop blaming me." otherwise you are forced to say hun/knee.
Instead, define us right: as mortal want.
Enjoy! ‘Eternal’ pleasure is a taunt! "Still" do not see why the quotes around Eternal. Its not as if it has two meanings and you mean the other one
A great edit. This is a nice piece. I would tinker with it 'till it set on fire, but right now it is smouldering nicely. Well done.
Best,
tectak

Original:

Do not now speak to me of ‘love’, my dear.
A word that mutes a thousand more is not
to be condoned for use. At ‘love’ I sneer.
This lust will not forever last, but rot
like fruit, consumed and then expelled below.
So too our ‘love’? Is love for all of time?
All things, all beings must so waste, not grow.
Our love will not affix “forever mine!"
So shun this word. To poets leave it by,
so they can lie on meter while we see
the truth between us now: these pleasures die,
lust born; with jealous fear and shame to be.
Define us as we are! As mortal want!
Enjoy! ‘Eternal’ pleasure is a taunt!

EDIT: I missed a line when typing this out. Thank you saeity for pointing that out.